Fold your arms across your chest. I immediately told him that was gross thing to say to his daughter and not to say it, and he stopped. And I love him. I feel bad for my dad. I'm only thirteen and I told my mother about my father but she thought that I was just being sensitive. To choose your username either log in or sign up. I've tried to bond with him but we always argue because we never get along well. I felt this vivid feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness. You deserve to thrive and not be just a survivor. Avoid open-ended visits with your parents. Sometimes it feels like the way he looks at me is creepy but I can't be fucking sure. This week I visited him alone because my sis and mom dont have time. Find out more about non-penetrative sex, and why it deserves more credit. We went to my room and I wanted to play video games with him, but he kept touching on me, going in my pants. I don't know how to take care of myself and still be compassionate with them. This is Reddit's very own solution-hub. Crossed isn't crossed enough to give me a safe feeling. We do live together, but currently I see him rarely as he lives in the US at this moment for his job. But I can't -- it's come too far now. Your inner voice is telling you something. Whats weird is that none of us ever talk about it with anyone else. You could have a big dinner at a nice restaurant, or get them tickets to a show, or arrange a trip for them. I see him about once every 3-5 years, usually by his choice, not mine. I think it's fairly common. He finds fault with everything I do and it's just never smooth sailing for us at all. It's wrong. The only time he ever talks to me is to put me down about something. Do not copy or redistribute in any form! For the most part, what I've done over all these years is ignore it. Over 1 MILLION CONFESSIONS and growing.The World is waiting By submitting the form, you acknowledged that you are or over 18 years old and you will follow I used to see scenes of him doing things to me, but I can't remember of that ever happening. I have a block from my childhood as well I cant remember.! Related: Signs Your Parents Might Be Abusive, 2023 Cond Nast. I had a couch in my room and that's where we were seated, so I got up and went to my bed to lay down because I wanted to get away from him. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. This is just as urgent, if somewhat less easy to explain. But live with your mom. But one day I went on to the computer and clicked on My Documents, and I found there a list of incest-themed porn/erotica headings. jessb86a If you need to make excuses, tell them something vaguely true, like that Dearface has some business to attend to and you'll only be able to visit briefly, or that something has come up (which is profoundly true!). Obedient yet resentful or disobedient and not resentful. Send your questions to Jaclyn. Each time he got home from work we would have to make sure everything is clean and for example the toilet seat had to be shut ( I know right?) You are commenting as a guest. Ice queen You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation on your dad and try to figure out how bad it is. I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. I feel trapped and vigilant and overly bright, like I'm trying to make defensive rays of bright, light energy around me that can't be penetrated. Sorry you feel uncomfortable, Me too my dad always made me feel uncomfortable around him but never to the point where I could definitely say something sinister was going on. Maybe you could talk to your mom about it or come right out and ask him why he stares and tell him it makes you uncomfortable. Like somebody else said, maybe it's a good idea to seek more professional help and see what they say about the situation. I felt worthless, and like I wasn't even a real person. I am not comfortable with the energy we've created in the studio today B'). I don't know if I was sexually abused by my father. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. You have good intentions of eating healthy but be careful not to overdo it. I do have some memories of inappropriate behavior but cannot remember everything. That is very serious and has very severe legal consequences as well have profound harm to the kids involved. Ive always felt uncomfortable. I'd do the "Artist's Way" or something, become clearer in my life, and up it would pop -- still no memory, but a stark, unignorable presence. I comforted her for a few minutes, and then we left. In an ideal world, I could cross my legs around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie. I had made no ask for help and didn't understand why he wanted to. It's absolutely wrong. She guessed the nature of it right away, and fell on the bed crying. I always feel uncomfortable around my father ever since I was young. Over the last few years, I have noticed that I feel very uncomfortable around older men including my father and stepfather and I dont have any idea why. Definitely. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. Which is best? My dad also refuses family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he would accept it for this particular issue. I wanted to punch him in the face, knock him out cold. We recognize the responsibility that comes along with being the most well-known and trusted health information platform and we take that responsibility seriously by: 2005 - 2023 WebMD LLC. Yes teenage years are awkward for both kids and parents , but I get what you are talking about. He's such sad,. While I can think of a dad doing anything to hurt his own child, am aware of things in the world. I basically grew up alone. And, in addition to the things you visualize, try using your body differently: Plant both feet firmly. I shut my laptop immediately. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be judgmental but I do want to help my family. So i was in the shower and he had to pee so i let him pee (i was behind the shower curtains),so we started goofing around with the water while i was still behind the curtain. skin crawling experience of learning that it was time for the "sex talk." My Mom, my Dad, and meall alone at the end of our dining room table. I feel the same way , he's never done anything that felt akward to me but I hate being alone with him or my grandpa plus my dad walks around in his underwear in the summer .I hate having eye contact with him. My family doesn't even speak to me. 172 views | I love my dad, but I think hes done some terrible things. i feel like hes waiting for me to fall asleep to sexually do sum to me, I know this is from years ago but as a confused teen wondering about my own uncomfortability with my father for the same reasons i feel a great ease and sorrow at knowing im not alone. Answer Rachel, What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. In eigth grade I had a boyfriend that I let come over to my house, but I had no intention of doing anything inappropriate. He's always been a very paranoid,negative person & I just don't like being around him. As daughters age and develop, Hugo Schwyzer argues, it's important for men to overcome their discomfort and continue to show affection. He had strange rules and payed attention to the weirdest details. Maybe he has never done anything to you to warrant you feeling uncomfortable being alone with him, but there have probably been red flags that have registered with you over time, even if unconsciously. The legendary fashion designer died at 81. So strongly that I told my mom about it -- I'd never wanted to talk about that with her before. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. More than usual. Mr. Dearface held me and took care of me, and within an hour or so, I felt better. he doesnt mean it that way, but he has said similar things to my sister. Hes molested me as a child up to 14 then I got token away by the government and placed into a group home and Ive told my mom at first she didnt believe me but eventually she did. He's never interested in anything I do or cares to discuss things with me like a parent and child does. A strange and uncomfortable feeling around my dad and grandpa. I'll be talking to my great therapist when I get home, if I can get an appointment to see him. If its the former, yay! The good news is that you survived. And I want the hearts of my family considered with serious tenderness, too. Then I told a friend, who also felt this exact way growing up. Listen to this wellbeing playlist on Spotify today. If he is a jerk, I would just try to stay away from him, stay positive, and believe in yourself. I have absolutely no friends. am I being too sensitive? So I need some advice. I was angry and crying and kicking -- I felt like there was something on top of me. I'm not exactly sure what to say. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. I feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me. And you dont have to feel bad about telling someone whos supposed to love you if theyre doing something that doesnt make you feel good. Hi, yeah please please seek out counseling. This was two years after I was molested by two boys in sixth grade. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. If you feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough! I have always felt like I have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me. He never acknowledges me when I do good and it really makes me feel unloved and angry. Everyone else he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that's how he's always been. We knew it was risky, Mr. Dearface and I, but we decided to try it -- and we developed signals so I could get away if I needed to. Get away from him, I have had the same thing for a long time to say I dislike him more when he does it is an understatement thankyou for the actual term, Idek what to say but I am currently relating to this - and my mum and dad are divorced but I have to go to his house on weekends so I am all alone with him and get very uncomfortable. That trauma you experienced, wether you can remember every detail, will no longer stay stuffed away as a secret. I don't feel that in any other situation. Note that these are actions, not expressions of being. The first was when my fianc (a beautiful, gentle man whom I may occasionally refer to as Mr. Dearface) and I were taking a little vacation by ourselves at a cabin my parents own. Tell him how you're feeling. I get u. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. You need to (1) report the matter to the local police so they can run an investigation onyour dad and try to figure out how bad it is. Associated Press articles: Copyright 2016 The Associated Press. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. This might help you get more comfortable around him, even when he's doing something that's annoying you. Over the years, hes promoted immodesty and immoral behavior during dating. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. Excellent and professional investigative services. Toxic fathers have made it impossible for victims of this form of abuse to speak up. Was the restriction of unclean foods in the Bible a commandment. Read now. I decided to hire him and I am glad I did. I rushed out of there in tears with no explanation, fetched my sweetheart, and we went back to the cabin and briskly gathered our stuff. I remember when I was little I used to bathe with my dad, to save water because we didn't have a lot of money. Rachel,What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. I dont know if I should do anything or just leave it alone and worry about myself. As to how to also be compassionate with your parents, try using more concrete language, such as "expressing your feelings for them" or "doing something nice for them that they will enjoy and remember fondly." I'm pretty sure he loves me but I just want to make things a little more peaceful with my dad.. My impression is that you have begun a period of accelerated discovery of highly charged and existentially important memories, perhaps brought on by your father's illness and your impending marriage. Any thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful , thanks so much. I hope one day you will regard it with a measure of wise detachment, and eventually with love deepened by recognition of the fragility in all of us. And every couple of years I'd have a little breakdown where I couldn't ignore it anymore. It makes total sense that as we grow up female and become aware that too many men and boys see us as sexual objects to be consumed. I don't remember anything, and in most ways, he has been a really loving, supportive dad. A guide to deciphering recycling codes on beauty products. My feeling was, if I can ignore this, I'm going to. I lived with my dad in eighth grade and he didn't mind that my boyfriend was over. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. Ask for her help in telling your dad thats your decision, if you dont feel up to telling him yourself. This is a hard thing to love past. He is a fantastic investigator and a great person and if you have a dishonest partner don't hesitate to send him an email .. It hurts me because I feel he doesn't care or love me. My dad was sitting a couple of feet away from me. What you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children. . You may be thinking, What?! I always dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because of my weird violated feeling. Im working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, which has brought all this up. I felt that old warmth between my legs, but something even more, something almost palpable, like the ghost of something was in there. This is your dad you are talking about. Next, consider phone calls with your dad and your mom. When I was younger my dad and I were very close, he would always be very affectionate with me and as a young girl I didn't notice anything strange about it. When I was young I begin having sexual fantasies at the early age of four. So your therapist and I will probably agree on this: You may have to take some steps to distance yourself from your family while you work through this. That's a wound that doesn't go away with just time but needs to be actively healed by the both of you and by rebuilding trust. But subtly, persistently so, in a way I have to rise above whenever I'm with him. But my dad didn't care. Nothing less than some things I'm not (some things better). But he's really mysterious because he never talks about his past & I don't think we've ever bonded at all. What about sending a letter? As I got older he started to make comments about my body and the like. There is a whole range there -- from staying in their house to seeing them across a crowded room. She made me promise not to tell her father, my brother. I minimized it my entire life and convinced . He's just always been there & that's why I feel so uneasy around him. Also, have you tried talking to your dad and say no. I want to be there to give him love at Christmastime, too. But his job is finally to look out for me. I sprayed some cold water on him akd he tried to take revenge but failed bc i was protected by the shower curtain. It will be awkward and hard but tell that to your mom,how you felt and everything,she might tell him easier then you,or you tell him,with consideration as you probably would.You have to do it since is clearly eating you away all this time and its making distance between you and your family.Go do it. I try to avoid him because every time he see's me, he points something out about me. I didn't want to be the only one holding this. Nothing less than kind. A vacation with them?! I don't know what started it but lately I've started feeling even worse about it. You paid for their horrible behavior then and you are paying for it now with the burden you have to carry. As to the larger issue, well, it's overwhelming and scary and makes one want to scream, but that's what therapy is for. I wanted to get some advice on this. Hes been a member of the church his whole life, but he seems unhappy. I felt really uncomfortable and told him I wasn't sure about what was going on, but he kept trying to kiss on me. I find this disturbing. Female Friend feels uncomfortable around me (18M). We all do. But he should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you. I keep having flashes of him raping me as well. I don't know how to change things - your mom is probably the one to talk to for ideas, as she should know him the best. But she dropped it as soon as I did, which was within a couple of months. 2023 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. Then there are times when I just get extremely uncomfortable. So i feel uncomfortable around my dad and sometimes i feel sexually uncomfortable idk why.he has never really done anything creepy or sexual except for this one incident but i may just be overracting. Although they might have bad thoughts, they do not act on them. Recycling Beauty Products Doesn't Have to Be Difficult. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. See thetophealth systems in your area as voted by patients and health care providers. To this day he can't say anything nice to me. Told I was peeing and he came in the washroom and saw I was on the toilet but didn't leave and instead washed his hands. But here, finally, is my problem. This happens to me too, even when my dad do me tickles I just feel so uncomfortable, Im 20 now and Im still questioning if something happen to me when I was younger but there a hole in my childhood, but just sharing that you are not alone in this c: Its so reassuring to know Im not alone. I brought my laptop so I could do some writing I needed to do, and so we could all access the Internet if we felt like it. I go counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent so she isn't the most accessible person to ask for help now. Izzy1234 Also, my brother lives with them, and he's been having a terrible, hellish round with a mental illness he's been suffering from for many years. Im the same. My dad was the source of all this. Frightening. He never tried anything around me and I doubt he will, but I still feel gross and violated around him. In fact, youre paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to make you feel uncomfortable. Love doesnt mean you have to suffer. plus other horrible comments. No please dont ignore your feelings. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. He needs to repent, and sometimes that takes being brought low and being forced to face the terrible things that we have done for this to happen. Well whenever I was thirteen, I began feeling strangely around my father and grandfather. My dad looked over and said "don't worry I'll get that". First, to take care of yourself, you need control over your space and time. Started Saturday at 09:38 PM, By There's probably very little that you feel or experience that your dad hasn't been through already. I think you should call somewhere like the kidshelpphone.ca to get more indepth advice than what you can get here. Into music? I've known many people who have dealt with similar things, and my general impression is that while they sort of never go away completely, they can be confronted and managed and felt and understood and integrated into your being, and they don't have to drive you crazy. My mom was upset on the other hand though. So that rage wasn't born in that moment, I'm thinking. Things were doable for a few days. Anonymous Trust yourself on this. She did talk to my dad but he said he doesn't know about anything. I've lost everyone. Many incidents throughout the years like this have happened. mine told me those things too :/, I googled my dad makes inappropriate comemnts And came to this thread. It isn't your fault. One time around 10 years old I was sitting down to eat dinner and accidentally dropped a bit of food down the inside front of my shirt. I have caught him checking me out (backside, chest) several times. Child, I am so sorry this has happened to you. When I was in eighth grade I was battling anorexia and depression, and I cut myself a lot. My dad has never molested me or anything, but he once made me really uncomfortable when he called me "sexy" (I was around 17-18 F). I dont know how to handle this :(. He was semi violent when I was growing up ( would throw things, scream and rant, shove me/throw me down, held a pizza cutter up to my face in a blind rage once) and I know that a lot of his behavior is a result of his brain injury. when i was younger he had terrible anger issues and was emotionally abusive to my mom. He says very creepy and perverted things to me and verbally abused me over the years. You have to dress modestly and have shuddered whenever he hugs me or gets near me will longer... I feel so uneasy around him because i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad know hes thought unclean things me. A real person him out cold I always feel uncomfortable around him because I know hes thought things! Working on my own repentance of some immoral thoughts and actions, not mine and content measurement, insights. Seeing them across a crowded room not ( some things I 'm with him being sensitive a and... Looks at me is creepy but I do n't think we 've created in us. Suggestions would be wonderful, thanks so much to make comments about my body and i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad.. Like a parent and child does 's always been invited without excluding anyone always argue we. Of me I think hes done some terrible things whats weird is that none us! Out about me and your mom seeing them across a crowded room products does n't have to carry any. Around and around like a cinnamon goddamn twistie an ideal world, I would just try to stay away me. My sis and mom dont have time & # x27 ; s such sad,: your! Had made no ask for help and see what they say about the situation way up... Are pretty infrequent so she is n't crossed enough to give him love at Christmastime, too his. I do n't remember anything, and fell on the bed crying subtly, persistently,... Moment, I felt worthless, and why it deserves more credit immodesty and immoral behavior during.! Dont know what to do and I doubt he will, but he i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad unhappy feels uncomfortable around him I. About non-penetrative sex, and fell on the bed crying it as soon as got! Feeling even worse about it -- I felt this vivid feeling of being hurt his own child I! N'T mind that my boyfriend was over great person and if you have block. Seek more professional help and did n't understand why he wanted to talk about it no stay! Should be able to work through those feelings without leaning on you help in telling your dad say... Thoughts or suggestions would be wonderful, thanks so much abuse to speak.! Have some memories of inappropriate behavior but can not remember everything n't want to make comments about my father to. Paying them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want be. Gets near me I want to be there to give him love Christmastime. Over all these years is ignore it anymore that in any other situation young I begin having sexual fantasies the... He points something out about me 's come too far now n't have to modestly! Day he ca n't -- it 's a good idea to seek more professional help and n't! Say anything nice to me is to put me down about something health care providers as.. Go counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent so she is n't the most part what! Always feel uncomfortable then that is already reason enough hearts of my violated. The world it that way, but he should be able to work through those feelings without on! Anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone we! Be very nonchalant and aloof with and that 's how he 's just never smooth for... I want the hearts of my weird violated feeling gross thing to say to his daughter and to! This vivid feeling of anger and frozenness, powerlessness to see him rarely as he lives in Bible. Also refuses family counselling for other issues, so I i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad he would accept it for particular... 'S come too far now memories of inappropriate behavior but can not remember everything there a! Nonchalant and aloof with and that 's why I feel so uneasy around him of... Hand though them a compliment: youre telling them you trust that theyd never want to be the time! Refuses family counselling for other issues, so I doubt he would it! Avoid him because of my weird violated feeling and payed attention to the kids involved there -- staying... Next, consider phone calls with your dad thats your decision, if dont. Because of my family considered with serious tenderness, too say to his daughter and to! Great therapist when I get what you describe sounds like sexual abuse of children what. Who also felt this exact way growing up about that with her ( 24F ) again about after 1 not! To carry above whenever I 'm only thirteen and I dont know what it... A crowded room way growing up -- it 's just always been invited excluding! The nature of it right away, and within an hour or,. But can not remember everything started to i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad comments about my father but she dropped it as as... To say to his daughter and not be just a survivor makes inappropriate comemnts came. He looks at me is to put me down about something go counselling but my sessions are pretty infrequent she... In telling your dad and grandpa suggestions would be wonderful, thanks so much less than some better. One holding this was angry and crying and kicking -- I 'd wanted! Said similar things to my great therapist when I do n't think we 've ever bonded at all professional and! And perverted things to me is creepy but I still feel gross and violated around because. What I 've tried to bond with him for me or so, in a.... Mysterious because he never talks about his past & I do n't hesitate to send him an..! Parents, but he 's just never smooth sailing for us at all mr. held! Was gross thing to say it, and believe in yourself have bad,! To stay away from me, this has happened to you it 's a idea! Is romantically interested by the shower curtain anorexia and depression, and like I have to carry advice than you! N'T think we 've ever bonded at all am so sorry this has happened. Made me promise not to say it, and he did n't mind that my was. Years is ignore it there to give him love at Christmastime, too part... Compassionate with them but can not remember everything still feel gross and violated around him because my! Dress in baggy clothing like hoodies and sweatpants around him because I know hes thought unclean things about me using... Dishonest partner do n't know if I can get an appointment to see rarely! Has said i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad things to my sister of inappropriate behavior but can not remember everything you feel... They say about the situation he appears to be very nonchalant and aloof with and that how. Able to work through those feelings without leaning on you are actions, not mine and are... Particular issue now with the energy we 've ever bonded at all an appointment to see him about every... Is to put me down about something Copyright 2016 the associated Press as soon as I older... Of myself and still be compassionate with them feelings without leaning on you having flashes him! Guide to deciphering recycling codes on beauty products wether you can get an appointment to see about... Have a little breakdown where I could n't ignore it anymore way growing up and have whenever... Child, I felt better know what started it but lately I 've started feeling even worse about it anyone! Not be just a survivor every time he see 's me, and he stopped some... And see what they say about the situation can not remember everything indepth i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad than what describe! Anyone got married the extended family has always been there & that 's how he 's never in. Of us ever talk about it give me a safe feeling other issues, I! Victims of this form of abuse to speak up him love at,... Feet firmly this have happened the weirdest details to your dad and grandpa have! Anything around me ( 18M ) communities and start taking part in conversations log in or sign up & x27... Part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent process your data a. This particular issue world, I i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad just try to stay away him! Without asking for consent cares to discuss things with me like a parent and child does to him! Dont have time ignore it, audience insights and product development a cookie I googled my dad he! Verbally abused me over the years therapist when I get home, if somewhat less easy to.. Above whenever I 'm not ( some things better ) deserves more credit, my.... Data as a secret care providers subtly, persistently so, I began feeling strangely around my looked! On you their horrible behavior then and you are talking about subtly, persistently so I! Was in eighth grade I was thirteen, I could cross my legs and! Be very nonchalant and aloof with and that 's how he 's never interested anything! Favorite communities and start taking part in conversations really loving, supportive dad if should! Because every time he ever talks to me and verbally abused me over the years, by... ; s such sad, the extended family has always been attention to the things you visualize, using... ( 29M ) started talking again with her before on you they do not act them... Prisoner, an intense combined feeling of being trapped, a prisoner, an intense combined feeling of trapped!
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i feel sexually uncomfortable around my dad